Why do you always compare yourself with others?
Last week I was invited to a week’s cross-culture coaching session with scholars at Peking University. It was my second time to participate in this scholarly association and last year it was in Taipei University. The scholars come from Asia, North America and Africa. They all are very smart people and I heard that almost every scholar is trilingual.
During the week I conducted Harrison Assessment debriefing and coaching sessions with them. They were all very open and willing to participate and overcome their weaknesses. Based on the individual sessions and their own paradox reports, the association would like to advance their awareness of their particular strengths and development needs, so that they can increase their self-awareness and build their leadership, interpersonal, communication skills etc.
I always regret that I never had the chance to do this kind of exercise myself when I was young. What a tremendous opportunity it would have been? Furthermore, I am sure that I would have gained more time to pursue my career goals by being well prepared and more aware of my weaknesses.
Let me ask you the following questions:
- If you can get a scholarship to study aboard, would you feel good?
2. Will you enjoy your school life and have joy most of times?
3. Will you be proud of yourself?
I think most people would say ‘Yes’ to both questions, (but for those who would say no, please text me).
Yes, those scholars were smart and they all have a good academic background. If I could be like them, I will not regret my life’s achievements. Yet they are the same as us, just human beings. I have over 3,500 coaching hours with young people to senior executives from various industries and different national and cultural backgrounds.
From my observations, many people may think that I could do better, because we all love to compare ourselves to others; but there is nothing wrong in that if it motivates us. We all have a room for improvement, which can be done by comparison to others or merely the assumption that ‘I am not good enough’. This constant reminder is a good friend that is always with us and will be there to remind to us from time to time. Although the frequency of prompting will be different in all cases, depending on one’s personal attitude and ego, as the phrase ‘I’m not good enough’ is contrary to our self-esteem.
On one hand, we always can find someone or a group who are better than we are. On the other hand, in our logical mind-set, we assume that it is impossible to find a perfect person in the world, yet despite this, we always feel that we are not good enough. We always compare ourselves with others that make us feel bad? Such self-abuse makes us feel sick, but how you can motivate yourself and enjoy your life?
Did you appreciate what you achieved?
Did you recognize your efforts?
Did you care for your happy feelings, instead of nurturing your frustrations or depressing emotions?
Let’s practice together. Follow me:
Thank you (your name)
I appreciate (your name) or I really appreciate (your name). You dd a great job today.
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If you can appreciate and recognize yourselves at least once a day, I am sure you will build your self-confidence and you are willing to trust yourself.
